Grand Theft Auto 4 is a waste of my time and yours

98%. This is the overall score for Grand Theft Auto 4. As a reviewer, It is their job to play the entire game and then come up with their own conclusions. It's GTA4 though. Who in their right mind is going to give it a score below 90%? I would.

Gameplay:

Rockstar has fucked up. plain and simple. What used to be an interactive amusement park, filled with endless mayhem and inventive time-wasting crap is now a wasteland. Imagine working on a fully interactive world for years on end and then forgetting to put an actual game inside? This is the world of GTA 4. Outside of the main missions [read as repetitive bullshit] there is the friendship system which is boring beyond words.Your in-game friends will phone you to ask you out on dates or activites. Bowling, Darts, drinking, and pool. All fucking, FUCKING boring after the first time. Especially with the AI. Thank god they included a skip opponents turn option. the only upside to these friends missions is the ability to unlock beneifts such as low priced weapons and free cabs. However, money is both plentiful and irrelivent, so fuck that then? Next up, controls. Copying from gears of war, GTA 4 has a cover system which works only until you need it. And not from close up either. Aiming can be toggled between full auto and manual, but just keep it on manual and you will easily level the playing field. Niko runs around nicely but jumps like a faggot on crack. There is a cellphone, which acts as the glue holding together the gameplay and missions. This also sucks cock, as friends and enemies will call at the worst times and especially during a mission. What else... oh the cars. Fucking grizzeled cunt missle is a nice adjective to use. They ride like iceblocks on butter. Very hard to manuever. Overall, gameplay is unrefined and stale. A 4/10 as you can still fuck hookers and then steal your money from their dead corpses.

Graphics:

Average. The city looks fine and everyone has a vasline shine to them for some reason but other then that, it looks pretty. This is where R* really excells. There are 1000's of little touches in this game. Niko himself is a bonanza of animation and running into pedestrians is always a good laff. The City looks like a mini-New York so good job. all though next time, how about a new city from your imagination? A 7/10 is resonable.

Sound:

Great stuff. The voice acting is pleasent and there are countless pedestrian vocal snippets. The radio stations become boring after a while though, as does the TV. also 7/10.

Story:

Utter fucking shit. Starts out so well and then degenerates into a mess. Niko is supposed to be this confused ex-soldier who needs to redeem himself in his own eyes, but at the end of the game *SPOILER* nothing has changed. There is a "big" revelation which is a binary choice adding nothing to the game or the final outcome. People come and go, adding nothing to the story. I expected so much :( Oh and Kate is a tight bitch who never lets you dip one in her sweat box. Just ignore her. *END SPOILERS* 1/10 for their effort.

Multiplayer:

I dont have Xbox live :( But GTA 4 is only number 3 on the LIVE charts so it cant be that great. Halo 3 is more then likely better. The stories I heard about the multiplayer do not sound promising.

Overall:

The Story and the gameplay sucks, like most next-gen titles. What a suprise. Next time R*, something new and innovative hey?

Lips

Here is a pic of the shit hole Xbox exclusive add-ons for the 360. Like it needs to target the casual market. Fuck that Xbox! Stick to your motherfucking guns! More Gears and more Halo and moan fuck shit piss.

Dinner

Dinner at the Gourmet Burger on Long st was amazing. We all had Peroni's and a tasty burger. Mine was Blue Cheese/Well Done same as my dad. Judi's was chicken and berry sauce, yet it looked tasty as well. I wish I had a new and interesting game for the Xbox.

Sad and Mad

My lady is sad and mad. Sad as her mum is stressed and mad because her family are insufferable morons, much like a great deal of mine. I can only hope that a concentration of my love for her will set her right. And rotating cowboy style sexy time.

Home

I'm hungry as hell and me dad is taking Judi and I for dinner at some pub. Looking forward to it and Judi looks more forwarder to it then i do. Cute man.

Scribe

Just a test with Scribefire addon.

Easy

Its easy to leave your job. Give them a minutes notice and then don't show up for work the next day. My work at the Q was meaningless. Slaving long hours away from my Judi just to fulfill the needs of the rich and useless. My patience reached its zenith one week ago and now I am working as a chief copywriter for a fantastic media company. There are no words to describe how much better I feel about myself. The pay remains the same but the work keeps my brain intact and demands only effort, not physical fortitude. Writing is what I was born to do and I exact a career out of its wet, meaty shell.

I hope that Q is suffering now, but their staff turnover is high and I doubt my absence has knocked them out of their insufferable tempo. Mark my words, I will never participate in a customer service related position ever again. I have had my fill of sucking cock for a living. I will be leaving at 5pm today and man, what a treat that is. The weather is warm now and the sun shines happily outside my office window as I compose this entry. Judi is in parliament now, unfortunately for her she still needs to grovel a bit to the Man but she makes more then I do so all is forgiven :)

GTA 4 was an abominable piece of shit. Too short, too easy and too little to do inside its "sandbox" world. It was as if they had the technology but they forgot to add the fun. I do not have Xbox live anymore so I cant test the multiplayer option, yet I know that running around aimlessly inside the ghost town of Liberty city can't be all the appeassing. Lets pray Unreal Torunament 3 provides me with the happiness I so crave. Until Gears of war 2 that is.

PS3 and the shit it is.

Haze was touted as being "teh number 1 HardC0re shooter for the Ps3" and now it has been justly awarded a 4.5/10 from IGN , a well trusted video-gaming website. I could see myself how awful and generic it looked from the screen shots and the video's of game play I watched over its development. This is just another nail in the entertainment coffin for Sony [added bonus: it is coffin shaped]. Not that it needs another. Why have so many of this shit-burgers been sold? Is it purely for the Blu-ray functionality that the 360 sorely lacks or is it for the fan boys and girls out there who still desperately want to believe in a Sony product after being faithful supporters for years upon years? I say neither. Sony just wants your money. They don't give a flying fuck about oh say THE GAMES! The 360 has now triple the software the PS3 and counting. Don't give me that glib excuse either about, "Oh but it quality over quantity". WRONG AGAIN! Not counting Ratchet and Clank and Resistance: Fall of Man [two big name titles from the same developer's] the PS3 only has 360 Ports to keep it company such as Oblivion and GTA4. Fuck you, you massive wally of a poser Sony. Your machine is shit.

The 360 launched into its first year of life with stunner's such as Gears of War, Oblivion, Dead Rising and others. Lets not forget BioShock and Mass Effect. The online play is legend and the Graphics, sound and gameplay are simply unmatched. The PS3 will one day become a threat to Microsoft and its white machine of love, but in the meantime Sony can fuck off and die.

Depro

I only post when I am sad. I don't know what to say to this conundrum here. I can either work till 10pm every night at the Q, or quit or Relocate to another Q in another country. Some tough choices. As long as Judi is with me I will be fine.

Flat

Btw, our apartment is coming on well.

Fail

Again, my girlfriend failed her drivers again. By leaving her car during her drivers, she failed. Nevermind. She has a cancellation for tomorrow so all should be well by then.

The Sweet

I'm moving in with Judi tomorrow (Here she is again):



To an amazing block of flats named the Four Seasons. My gawd it will be fantastic. Private parking. A gym and a swimming pool. Free hookers. Well, not the free hookers but the world isn't perfect. Forget about the hookers. All my boxes are packed. Now I must infer with my roomate and get my mother loving deposit back.

Music I Need

Muse - I'll just download the whole collection.

I'll update every time I find more.

Anger

I always identified with the Hulk. Constant rage, bottled up in case the beast is released. Everyday I bury it deeper and deeper, each irritation is another piece of sand in the bottle of pain and... other crap. Asthma pump. Much better. Judi is far away and I will only see her on Friday again. It could have been worse, she could have been gone forever. At least Friday, my angel will return. In the meanwhile, I must store the madness and never release it, least I hurt someone.

Good Intentions

Pancho's: Tonight: 8pm. Time to drink. I'll fill you lot in later.

Divides

Who is wrong in this scenario? Me for ousting my best friend of 4 years because he has a fucking awful hound of a girlfriend, or him for choosing a hippo over good times? I think its him of course. My friends (barring my cousin) all have the absolutely worst taste in women. Rael's gf is a fat, depressing hooker and Brents is a stupid Bimbo from the nether regions of hell. Why am I so lucky to have the most wonderful girlfriend in the world? Can't they choose correctly? I have to cut them off. Starting with Brent. I am moving out of my wonderful flat into a yet to be found apartment with my Judi. and good times will prevail. Vuka update: Gypsy (brilliant Vuka tech) stuck a pen into my spark plug to fix it and it is working better then before.

Lessons

So todays lesson is: Don't spend R350 on a pickup truck to haul your broken Vuka home unless you really need him too. On Sunday, Easter fucking Sunday of all days, my Vuka stopped on the road. I was driving and then it was as if I couldn't give it power. It was only the spark plug that came loose, but I'm a non-mechanic and this was an extreme situation. I was supposed to go to Hayden my cousin for a braai, I was supposed to be home at 6:15pm awaiting a kiss from my sweet Judi. I was supposed to have a brand new Vuka. But I was shafted. It stalled as I approached the Baxter theatre. Very calmly, I sent a please call me to Judi and she phoned my roommate Brent (who is supposed to know about bikes) to assist me. The lesson I learned is that in this life, you can only depend on yourself. It was dark, there were all sorts of hippies and students walking around like the fucking undead and I was scared! I didn't want to leave my Vuka on the road! No way was that going to happen. Ross (Judi's roomate) very kindly picked me up and we attempted to put the Vuka in her back seat. That didnt work out. So we left it there, chained to a lamp post. Five hours later and after a hearty pizza meal, Me, Judi and some crane vulture extracted my Vuka from the road and dropped it off at her house. In the morning, I went to check it out and I noticed a tiny plug like device hanging off the bottom of the Vuka. All I did was plug it in and the fucker worked. End of story.

Sunday was better. Easter at Judi's family. It was mad. A whole family, full of Judi's. Which is great. They sure were a friendly bunch of folks. Loads of eggs, lots of booze and a sneaky joint (beforehand) ensured a good time. Now I'm at work. And its boring. Its a holiday today so I wont get any phone calls. At least my writing is finished for the day.

No time

I don't have time to put a letterhead on. All is well. Eating, Braai, Cousin, Tonight. The wind howls like a grizzly specter. It will be an interesting drive.

Fixin'

kay. ok. OKay. My Vuka is fixed. The spark plug connection system was faulty. It took all of 10 minutes to repair. Now my baby is a fucking speed machine. Lighting runs through its veins as it races down the highway. A super-charged grinding machine! I have a headache. 3 more hours of work.

Come Hungry

his is how you make a Steve happy. You (Quintessentially) give Steve R4000 extra so that he can purchase his brand new Vuka XS125. Yesterday, at 2:15pm I gave birth to it through the miracle of Gumtree. Sleek, black and 3 months old, it runs like a bat out of hell. Well, it chugs a bit but this is due to me re-adjusting to automatic gear control. It ran smoother on my way to work. I need a new Xbox game. All that is left in Oblivion is sight-seeing. But still! My very own Vuka! I had a smashing weekend as well. Tyger (Tyger) with my Judi. The music was shit but she is hawt so I enjoyed it non the less. Combine that with a super chill Sunday and you have a perfect weekend. A picture of the happy couple follows (note the drunk chick at the back. Lol:

Vuka

Fuck them. They did not finance my Scooter. Asswipes. Who needs them? Who needs anyone! I will have the money in 2 months times mark my motherfucking words.

Love

Hey, I love my life. Xbox, new girlfriend and a new Vuka on the way. Great stuff! Plus work is a doodle and it pays me well. Hows that?

Burns

The packet of two minute noodles I prepared for breakfast was rank. Or stank. The little foil packet of noodle spice was the best. Instead of the word of the flavour written on it (like beef or chicken or human) it just said "flavour". Thats when you know you are in for a treat. I can feel my stomach curdling already. To top it all, I burned my finger on the water as I drained it out.

What happened to all the Halo 3 hype? It was literally months and months of build up and now no-one mentions it anymore. The Xbox still continues to do poorly in Japan, so no amount of hype could save it from snub, Asian style. I don't play Halo 3 Multiplayer anymore either. I reached Captain or Corporal online and after that promotion, It become too much of a hassle for me to keep playing. Roll on GTA 4. Lets hope its a quiet day at the Quintessentially. I'm tired as hell.

Series 5

.....So Very French. Usually French= shit but in this case, anything Dunny associated is aces with me. Available at the V&A Waterfront as we speak for the paltry sum of R105 per Dunny. Goddamn I will buy a few.

Heat

Its unnecessarily hot today in Cape Town. Does it need to be this warm? 31 degrees and counting now. I finished Oblivion last week, ending 6 months of continuous on and off playing. My roommate (Brent) calls it a "queer game". Faeries, Elves, goblins and Castles. It has the allure of a pleasant homosexual adventure, yet its brutal dichotomy of right and wrong negates any "queer"allusions one might attach to it. Its an open ended game with no restrictions to the length of time needed to complete and I have the compulsive need to complete my games 100% or more. The first game I ever clocked fully would be Super Mario Bros. 3. I remember playing for a week without budging or twitching, with pride and determination forcing me onwards. Remember this game? I will never forget it. I have yet to play Mario's latest outing, Super Mario Galaxy and it is killing me. I need carefree Nintendo game play. I need simple, yet deep and gaming to swallow me whole and spit me out a better man. But Jesus h. titty-twisting Christ I will not purchase a Wii just to enjoy myself with that squat fuck Mario. And when the fuck did you ever see this guy fix a fucking toilet either?

Digress:

Judi came over last night. My job pays me a fair amount of money to work at night and my social life suffers because of this. We laffed and played for hours on end and now I am tired. We did not sleep until past 12 and my aged bones need their rest. Fuck, do I have to book a hotel now?